I’m back in China after my month long trek through Southeast Asia, but before I begin my saga on that chapter of Asia, I’d like to add another to my China tales in light of the ever so controversial holiday—Valentine’s Day.
Some love it, some hate it, some protest it, but whether you like it or not, it is a good time to think about the nature of relationships. I decided not to do a Valentine’s lesson for my primary students since they would probably “ewe” over any talk of love and boyfriends and girlfriends, but that didn’t stop me from contemplating love in China.
Apparently even my primary students couldn’t be stopped from thinking about love either. We played a game in my classes this week where each student says two truths and one lie about what they did over their holiday. The class then had to guess which one was the lie. In one class a boy stood up and said that he had fallen in love with a girl as one of his three things. This was, of course, his lie, but the whole class roared in laughter and giggles. A similar thing happened in another one of my classes. A boy stood up and said that he had broken a girl’s heart. Again, his lie, but the class thought it was hilarious. I have no idea if these comments were linked to the proximity of Valentine’s Day or even if they know what Valentine’s Day means. On one of the televisions in the metro I did happen to notice an advertisement selling some kitchen product mention Valentine’s Day. I drew from the ad that apparently this utensil is a great help to all those men out there who plan on making their girlfriends or wives dinner on Valentine’s day.
To figure out if Valentine’s Day went beyond the commercial, I asked my contact teacher if couples in China celebrate Valentine’s Day. She said they know of it, but only a few young people celebrate it. She said it’s mostly about commercialism for Western companies. No one really takes it seriously. So, like Christmas, Valentine’s Day seems to be just one of those Western holidays that seems like a profitable marketing venture in China.
From what I’ve seen of the “love” culture here in China, I would invest in promoting Valentine’s Day too. Chinese couples remind me of middle school. They take cutesy photos everywhere they go. They hold hands and take long walks in the park. Physical contact at all times is a must. On the metro, in the grocery store, or at the shopping mall the girl is always hugging, leaning, sitting, or holding onto her guy. Chinese guys do not seem to have the manly bravado that American guys sometimes feel the need to preserve. They hold their girlfriends’ and wives’ purses for long periods of time. We’re not talking just while you’re hands are full period of time, but while we’re walking down the street period of time. They also hold their girlfriends frilly pink umbrellas over their heads for them heaven forbid they get a touch of sun on their skin. It’s like the men take pride in showing off that they can take care of their girlfriends and wives. PDA, pictures, and purse-holding are all part of an elaborate show to prove to the world that they are in love, and that they are off limits.
The Chinese do not seem to have the concept of casual dating. Once you date, you are exclusive, long term, possible marrying material. You are not to have friends of the opposite sex, and your world must revolve around your girlfriend/boyfriend. This may not hold true for all of China—there are 1.3 billion people—but this is the impression I have collected from the experiences and observations of the people around me. Then comes marriage, and I don’t know much about the ceremony itself except to say that I know loads of pink balloons and pink gauze are involved since I’ve seen it myself several times in passing by some hotel. Wedding pictures, similar to the rest of the relationship, are a big part of the show. Wedding pictures aren’t necessarily taken before the wedding or at the wedding. I’ve heard of couples who take photos years after the actual wedding. Women rent wedding dresses and then the couples go to all ends of the earth to have the perfect setting. I’ve seen women prancing through one of the local amusement parks dressed in old-fashioned wedding gowns to get pictures in front of the park’s European style buildings. I’ve seen women trudging down the crowded streets—wedding dress gathered up to reveal converse sneakers while she tries to avoid the street sludge—on the way to who knows where to take her perfect photo. And it didn’t surprise me when I was in Malaysia hiking through the muddy mossy forest to hear the tour guide mention that he has seen Chinese women hike through this in their wedding dress to take photos. That is dedication!
I don’t know how romantic trekking through mud in your wedding dress and tux can be, but the Chinese definitely have a soft spot for romance as evidenced by all of the above and by the country’s universal love of sappy pop music and love ballads like “My Heart Will Go On.” On the other hand, they can be extremely unromantic and practical in other ways. Reminiscent of arranged marriages, parents do their best to set their children up. I have had a few foreign friends be the unfortunate target in some of these matchups. Foreigner and Chinese couples are not that uncommon, but it mostly involves a foreign white man marrying/dating a much younger Chinese woman. It is rarely the other way around. Despite the rapid development and economic progress in China, many Chinese people still view Westerners as wealthy, whether it is true or not. Therefore, a Westerner would be a great match for their son or daughter because they surely have money or at least connections with someone who does have money. The parents don’t even consider if people from such different backgrounds could truly make each other happy or if the couple is even compatible. It is just a great match on paper—an alliance if you will—that will ultimately benefit the family over the couple.
So, like many other things in China, I have a theory that the appearance of love is just as important as actual love. While I’m sure most Chinese people do in fact choose who they want to marry and many are deeply in love, it would be hard to tell otherwise. China is too much of a communal society for lovers to keep secrets, so instead they show off to the world just how romantic they can be. So, guys take note: if you ever want to date a Chinese girl you better believe she will expect flowers, hugs, hand-holding, picture-taking, purse-holding, and ultimately a pink-ballooned wedding.
Some love it, some hate it, some protest it, but whether you like it or not, it is a good time to think about the nature of relationships. I decided not to do a Valentine’s lesson for my primary students since they would probably “ewe” over any talk of love and boyfriends and girlfriends, but that didn’t stop me from contemplating love in China.
Apparently even my primary students couldn’t be stopped from thinking about love either. We played a game in my classes this week where each student says two truths and one lie about what they did over their holiday. The class then had to guess which one was the lie. In one class a boy stood up and said that he had fallen in love with a girl as one of his three things. This was, of course, his lie, but the whole class roared in laughter and giggles. A similar thing happened in another one of my classes. A boy stood up and said that he had broken a girl’s heart. Again, his lie, but the class thought it was hilarious. I have no idea if these comments were linked to the proximity of Valentine’s Day or even if they know what Valentine’s Day means. On one of the televisions in the metro I did happen to notice an advertisement selling some kitchen product mention Valentine’s Day. I drew from the ad that apparently this utensil is a great help to all those men out there who plan on making their girlfriends or wives dinner on Valentine’s day.
To figure out if Valentine’s Day went beyond the commercial, I asked my contact teacher if couples in China celebrate Valentine’s Day. She said they know of it, but only a few young people celebrate it. She said it’s mostly about commercialism for Western companies. No one really takes it seriously. So, like Christmas, Valentine’s Day seems to be just one of those Western holidays that seems like a profitable marketing venture in China.
From what I’ve seen of the “love” culture here in China, I would invest in promoting Valentine’s Day too. Chinese couples remind me of middle school. They take cutesy photos everywhere they go. They hold hands and take long walks in the park. Physical contact at all times is a must. On the metro, in the grocery store, or at the shopping mall the girl is always hugging, leaning, sitting, or holding onto her guy. Chinese guys do not seem to have the manly bravado that American guys sometimes feel the need to preserve. They hold their girlfriends’ and wives’ purses for long periods of time. We’re not talking just while you’re hands are full period of time, but while we’re walking down the street period of time. They also hold their girlfriends frilly pink umbrellas over their heads for them heaven forbid they get a touch of sun on their skin. It’s like the men take pride in showing off that they can take care of their girlfriends and wives. PDA, pictures, and purse-holding are all part of an elaborate show to prove to the world that they are in love, and that they are off limits.
The Chinese do not seem to have the concept of casual dating. Once you date, you are exclusive, long term, possible marrying material. You are not to have friends of the opposite sex, and your world must revolve around your girlfriend/boyfriend. This may not hold true for all of China—there are 1.3 billion people—but this is the impression I have collected from the experiences and observations of the people around me. Then comes marriage, and I don’t know much about the ceremony itself except to say that I know loads of pink balloons and pink gauze are involved since I’ve seen it myself several times in passing by some hotel. Wedding pictures, similar to the rest of the relationship, are a big part of the show. Wedding pictures aren’t necessarily taken before the wedding or at the wedding. I’ve heard of couples who take photos years after the actual wedding. Women rent wedding dresses and then the couples go to all ends of the earth to have the perfect setting. I’ve seen women prancing through one of the local amusement parks dressed in old-fashioned wedding gowns to get pictures in front of the park’s European style buildings. I’ve seen women trudging down the crowded streets—wedding dress gathered up to reveal converse sneakers while she tries to avoid the street sludge—on the way to who knows where to take her perfect photo. And it didn’t surprise me when I was in Malaysia hiking through the muddy mossy forest to hear the tour guide mention that he has seen Chinese women hike through this in their wedding dress to take photos. That is dedication!
I don’t know how romantic trekking through mud in your wedding dress and tux can be, but the Chinese definitely have a soft spot for romance as evidenced by all of the above and by the country’s universal love of sappy pop music and love ballads like “My Heart Will Go On.” On the other hand, they can be extremely unromantic and practical in other ways. Reminiscent of arranged marriages, parents do their best to set their children up. I have had a few foreign friends be the unfortunate target in some of these matchups. Foreigner and Chinese couples are not that uncommon, but it mostly involves a foreign white man marrying/dating a much younger Chinese woman. It is rarely the other way around. Despite the rapid development and economic progress in China, many Chinese people still view Westerners as wealthy, whether it is true or not. Therefore, a Westerner would be a great match for their son or daughter because they surely have money or at least connections with someone who does have money. The parents don’t even consider if people from such different backgrounds could truly make each other happy or if the couple is even compatible. It is just a great match on paper—an alliance if you will—that will ultimately benefit the family over the couple.
So, like many other things in China, I have a theory that the appearance of love is just as important as actual love. While I’m sure most Chinese people do in fact choose who they want to marry and many are deeply in love, it would be hard to tell otherwise. China is too much of a communal society for lovers to keep secrets, so instead they show off to the world just how romantic they can be. So, guys take note: if you ever want to date a Chinese girl you better believe she will expect flowers, hugs, hand-holding, picture-taking, purse-holding, and ultimately a pink-ballooned wedding.
